If I Were You

Here is a summary of the chapter “If I Were You” and answers to your questions, drawing on the provided sources:

Summary of “If I Were You” 🎭

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The chapter “If I Were You” is a one-act play by Douglas James, which is designed to be read aloud in class by assigning roles to students. The play is rich in wit and irony.

The scene is a lonely cottage interior, where Gerrard lives alone. As Gerrard is on the phone, preparing to pack a travelling bag, an Intruder, who is a criminal, silently enters the cottage, armed with a revolver. The Intruder’s intention is to murder Gerrard and take on his identity. He believes Gerrard is a “mystery man” who makes phone orders and disappears suddenly, which would suit his need to evade the police, as he is “wanted for murder already”.

Gerrard, however, remains remarkably calm, clever, and witty throughout the confrontation. He quickly perceives the Intruder’s plan and, instead of resisting violently, engages him in a conversation, subtly turning the tables. Gerrard convinces the Intruder that he is also a criminal on the run, involved in some shady business, and that the police are actually after him (Gerrard) at that very moment. He claims that the “cloak of mystery” surrounding him is a disguise for his criminal activities, including a “disguise outfit; false moustaches and what not”.

Gerrard convinces the Intruder that shooting him now would be foolish, as the Intruder would then be caught and hanged as “Vincent Charles Gerrard”. Instead, he suggests they both escape together, offering the Intruder a way out and even a potential role in his “gang”. He points towards a door, claiming it leads to the garage and that his “man posted on the main road” will warn them of the police.

As the Intruder leans forward to inspect what he believes is an escape route, Gerrard pushes him into a cupboard, knocking the revolver out of his hand, and locks him inside. Gerrard then picks up the revolver and goes to the telephone, where he was supposedly talking to someone about “props in time for rehearsal,” revealing his true profession as a playwright or theatrical person. He tells his contact to send the Sergeant to his cottage, humorously noting the “spot of bother” was “quite amusing” and something he might put in his next play. Gerrard successfully outwits the Intruder, ensuring his own safety and the Intruder’s capture.

Answers to Your Questions 💬

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Here are the answers to your questions based on the provided sources:

I. Answer these questions.

1. “At last a sympathetic audience.”

   • (i) Who says this? Gerrard says these words.
   • (ii) Why does he say it? He says it as an ironic remark. He pretends that the Intruder is there to listen to his life story, when in reality, the Intruder only wants to extract information for his own sinister purposes.
   • (iii) Is he sarcastic or serious? He is being sarcastic. His tone implies the opposite of what the words literally mean, highlighting the absurdity of the situation from his perspective.

2. Why does the intruder choose Gerrard as the man whose identity he wants to take on? The Intruder chose Gerrard because he had seen him in a car in Aylesbury and overheard others talking about him, describing him as “a bit queer — kind of a mystery man”. Gerrard’s habits of making phone orders and “going away suddenly and coming back just the same” were precisely the things the Intruder wanted to do to elude the police and “dodge” being caught. He viewed hearing about Gerrard as “one of my luckiest breaks” because Gerrard’s seemingly secretive life made him an ideal candidate for identity theft.

3. “I said it with bullets.”

   • (i) Who says this? The Intruder says these words.
   • (ii) What does it mean? It means that he committed murder using bullets. He is implying that his actions, rather than words, are how he deals with situations and that he is wanted for murder.
   • (iii) Is it the truth? What is the speaker’s reason for saying this? Yes, it is the truth. The Intruder explicitly states, “I did a job in town. Things went wrong and I killed a cop.”. His reason for saying this is to justify his intent to kill Gerrard, explaining, “I’m wanted for murder already, and they can’t hang me twice.”. He believes he has nothing left to lose.

4. What is Gerrard’s profession? Quote the parts of the play that support your answer. Gerrard’s profession appears to be related to playwriting or theatre. The supporting parts of the play include:

   • When he traps the Intruder, Gerrard makes a phone call saying, “Sorry I can’t let you have the props in time for rehearsal”. ‘Props’ and ‘rehearsal’ are terms commonly associated with theatre.
   • He also adds, referring to the incident with the Intruder, “I think I’ll put it in my next play.”. This strongly suggests he is a playwright.
   • His comment about the Intruder’s behaviour being “melodramatic” and later his sarcastic remark that villains in “most melodramas” are foolish also hint at his familiarity with dramatic arts.

5. “You’ll soon stop being smart.”

   • (i) Who says this? The Intruder says this.
   • (ii) Why does the speaker say it? The Intruder says this because Gerrard is being “pleasantly” calm and “nonchalant”, even attempting to be witty. The Intruder wants to assert his dominance and intimidate Gerrard, showing that he holds the power in the situation.
   • (iii) What according to the speaker will stop Gerrard from being smart? According to the speaker, his intention to “make you crawl” and ultimately kill Gerrard will stop Gerrard from being smart. He believes that once Gerrard understands the gravity of the situation and his impending doom, his cleverness will cease.

6. “They can’t hang me twice.”

   • (i) Who says this? The Intruder says these words.
   • (ii) Why does the speaker say it? The speaker says this to rationalize his plan to murder Gerrard and take his identity. Since he is already “wanted for murder” (having killed a cop), he believes he has nothing further to lose by committing another murder, as the maximum punishment, hanging, can only be carried out once.

7. “A mystery I propose to explain.” What is the mystery the speaker proposes to explain? The mystery the speaker (Gerrard) proposes to explain is why he himself lives in such a secretive and isolated manner, which has led the Intruder to believe he is a “mystery man”. Gerrard cleverly turns the Intruder’s observation about his “cloak of mystery” into a fabricated story about being a criminal on the run who also needs a disguise to avoid the police. He then uses this explanation to trick the Intruder into his trap.

8. “This is your big surprise.”

   • (i) Where has this been said in the play? This phrase is said twice in the play:
     1. First, by the Intruder to Gerrard, referring to his plan to kill Gerrard.
     2. Second, by Gerrard to the Intruder, referring to his own clever counter-plan to trap the Intruder.
   • (ii) What is the surprise?
     1. When the Intruder says it, the surprise is his intent to murder Gerrard.
     2. When Gerrard says it, the surprise is his revelation that he is also “wanted” by the police (a lie to mislead the Intruder) and, ultimately, his successful trick to trap the Intruder in the cupboard.